Blessings

The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace. — Numbers 6:24-26

Kirk came home from school yesterday with cards and gifts! One of his colleagues sent me a beautiful prayer quilt, pictured here.

Thanks, Teri! I have felt completely covered in prayer, and now this quilt is gracing our living room, a physical reminder of God's comfort through the prayers of our friends and family members.

We have felt completely at peace thanks to the prayers that have been surrounding us from the beginning of this journey.

As I wrap myself in this colorful quilt, I can feel the physical warmth of each prayer enveloping me in God's love and healing my body and soul.

We are humbled and blessed.

Peaceful Vistas

We will walk in the name of the Lord our God for ever and ever. — Micah 4:5

Torrey Pines State Park

Over the past few days, as I've explained to others how wonderful I feel and how quickly I seem to be healing, their concern is that I might be anxious as I wait for the pathology report. 

I'm certainly hopeful that the cancer has not spread into the lymph nodes, but I'm not anxious or worried. And I'm not sure why. But I have  a deep sense of peace that goes beyond anything I can understand.

I feel a calm assurance that God is in control. At the same time, I realize that I'm not in control and can have no impact on the future. But somehow knowing that God's got this means I don't have to worry. Whatever the outcome, I'm still in His hands. He'll see me through it all.

So my prayer is that God's will be done in our lives and that Kirk, Abby and I will be able to give Him the honor and glory no matter what the next steps may be.

Torrey Pines beach as seen from above is a favorite spot for our family to hike. The waves lapping up against the shore and the beach areas butting up against the cliffs provide such a scenic view of creation and the beauty around us. We are blessed to live near these awesome vistas — these reminders of God's love and care.

We are at peace.

A Good Read

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever. — Psalm 106:1

Two weeks ago, I was looking for some books to read while recuperating. I had just finished People of the Book by Geraldine Brooks. I love anything by that author, and this was another wonderful read.

And I was also finishing By the Renewing of Your Minds by Ellen T. Charry. The introduction was fascinating, but took me weeks to get through, as I kept going back to reread her premises. She concludes her intro with: "To the extent that modern psychology, like theology and philosophy, has severed happiness from goodness, modern psychology may be ill-equipped to judge Christian aretologies [virtues and miracles]." Agreed.

I usually check our local library first — for ebooks and for hard bound or paperback books. I enjoy them all. Especially when I don't have to pay for them!

The one I wanted had a large hold. So I added my name to the list and then went to the Mission Valley Library to see if they had a copy I could check out. They didn't, so I picked up a couple of fiction novels that looked good:

Bittersweet by Colleen McCullough, 376 pages, author of The Thorn Birds

Little Fires Everywhere by Colleen Ng, 336 pages

The latter had rave reviews on the cover from some authors I had read, so I started with that one. It was on the "new" bookshelf so I didn't have as long to read it, and I enjoyed it, overall. 

Yesterday I finished the other book — really well written— and thought I'd check back to see if my other hold was now available. Sure enough, it was! Perfect timing for me to start a new book while I wait to get back to working from home later this week. 

Now that the book is downloaded onto my iPad, I can start reading this afternoon. Again, perfect timing!

God's timing is always perfect, too. It may not seem to be the case in the moment, but I just have to remember that His perspective is different from my limited point of view. He sees the longterm. And he sees how all the pieces fit together. I only see a small portion of the whole.

As I wait for the pathology report, I can sit back and enjoy my books, the sunshine, and friends and family. God is good. Always.

Rejoice!

Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say rejoice! — Philippians 4:4

I've noticed that laughter just seems to make everything better. 

A deep belly laugh at a good joke restores the spirit and brings a sense of camaraderie and fellowship. 

It's amazing how a good laugh can clear the air.

I have a friend at work whose laughter is contagious. As soon as I hear his laugh, I start laughing, too.

The day I left the house wearing one blue shoe and one black one brought a look of horror to my face when I arrived at church and looked down at my feet. 

But then I just burst into laughter. It was too funny.

Laughing at ourselves feels good and releases all that pent-up nervous energy.

At times I think God must be laughing at some of the crazy things I worry about or stress over. Even so, He doesn't give up on me. I rejoice in His unfailing care for me.

We are joyful.

Sing a New Song

Sing to the Lord a new song, for he has done marvelous things. — Psalm 98:1

Still no pain today. I haven't taken an Ibuprofen since last night, but I carried one with me to church this morning, just in case. Prayer won out, and the pill is still untouched.

Pastor Jerry's sermon was wonderful — calling us to pray and to develop our relationship to God, encouraging us to grow in our discipleship and in God's holiness as we talk to him in prayer.  Luke 11:1-13.

You can watch the service here: https://www.fpcsd.org/watch-8-30am-service

Tonight I'll be joining our choir for a dramatic presentation in word and song of some great men of the Bible: Moses, Daniel, Joshua and Saul. 

Our friend and writer, Henk Vigeveno has created the scripts and has brought together a talented cast to bring these historical figures to life. Combined with some of my favorite music by Ken Medema, Moses Hogan, and others, it will be an uplifting experience.

And the flowers I received yesterday were created by my friend LaVonne at Adorations Botanical Artistry, brightening our home with joy and covering our family in prayer and God's love.

We are thankful.

A New Day

I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.  
— Psalm 34:4

The sun is shining again. Still. And it's a new day ahead.

Still no pain, and most movement is back in my arm. I'm amazed.

This beautiful orchid is a reminder of the thoughtful friends and neighbors who have surrounded our family during this time. 

Our neighbors brought it over before the surgery to brighten my spirits, and it did!

I opened my door yesterday to a beautiful floral arrangement from my Bible study friends and another arrangement — a combination of plants and flowers from our next-door neighbors. What a surprise!

We have been showered with blessing upon blessing. We are grateful.

Overwhelmed with Blessings

The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all.  
— Psalm 34: 19


I got 10 hours of rest last night. Kirk was up more often than I was. No surprise there. 

Still no nausea or pain — the ibuprofen is working! And so are your prayers. 

This morning the sun is shining and the lizards are enjoying the warmth. So am I. The warmth of your friendship and the love you have shown me and our family as well as God's love for each of His creations. 

We are overwhelmed with blessings.

A big shout-out to the docs and nurses and support staff at Kaiser who answered all my questions with a smile and were so encouraging and eager to help us. 

From the chauffeurs who wheeled me down the halls to the surgeon and other doctors who clearly explained what was happening and waiting patiently while I read all the forms before signing them! 

Thank you.

Home Again

Stand up and praise the Lord your God, who is from everlasting to everlasting. Blessed be your glorious name, and may it be exalted above all blessing and praise. — Nehemiah 9:5

Surgery went well. I am home and it's not even 5:30 p.m. Everyone at Kaiser was wonderful.

While waiting for surgery I was cold so they gave me the heated blanket. Our neighbor calls it the NASA blanket. She had it after  her surgery, too. It kept me comfortable and warm.

My friend's husband took a photo, but I did not want to be photographed so here's a photo of a hike we did up Iron Mountain instead.

They used a short tube for the anesthesia so it didn't touch my vocal chords. I'm hoping to sing at our church program on Sunday night at 6:00. We'll be singing about Moses, Daniel, Joshua and Saul with dramatic readings in between. I'm looking forward to it!

I woke up ready to go home, no nausea and no pain. God is good and really had me covered with a deep sense of peace through the whole process. Kirk was by my side the whole time, such a wonderful source of calm and encouragement.

I still have no nausea, no pain, and no dizzyness. I've been nibbling on saltine crackers and apple juice. The nurse thought the numbness from the anesthesia will wear out in 24 hours so I have Motrin, Percaset, and anti-nausea meds in preparation.

You, my friends and family, have covered me in prayer and I am doing great. Thanks so much. Blessed be the name of the Lord!

At Peace in the Morning

My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O Lord; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up. — Psalm 5:3

Today is my surgery at Zion Hospital, and the wonderful ROSE volunteers sewed a tote bag and two small pillows for me to use on the drive home. One pillow is in the shape of a heart with a flag pattern. Perfect for the wife of a history teacher!

I will have an ultrasound first, then they will insert a wire to the tracking device they inserted a couple of weeks ago. Finally, I'll have some dye injected so they can identify the sentinel node to remove it and check for cancer.

I'll meet with the oncologist in a couple of weeks to find out more.

Thanks to everyone who has been such a huge support to our family on this journey!

Pure Joy

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." — James 1:2-4

It's not easy to think of struggles as "pure joy," but it is reassuring to know that we don't have to go through the tough times alone. What a relief! I would definitely not be able to cope on my own. So it's reassuring to know that we are never alone.

A song that comes to mind is He Never Failed Me Yet. I don't have to go it alone. God is my strength and my fortress — beside, behind and before me, guiding me each step of the way.

My surgery will be tomorrow at 1:12 and I'll be home that evening, back in my own bed. Admiring the cards and letters from friends near and far.

And looking out at our Crape Myrtle tree that at the moment looks like a big stump with branches. But in just a few months it will burst into color and bloom with joy.

Our lives can seem like a dead stump of a tree at times, but God is able to take that old stump of my life and shine His love through me, even when I can't do it on my own.

What an awesome God we serve!

A Word of Encouragement

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, 

just as in fact you are doing.  — I Thessalonians 5:11

We are called to build each other up and encourage each other. A kind word can go a long way to make someone's day.

I am blessed with many, many friends, relatives and acquaintances who have reached out to encourage and support me during this time. Perhaps that's one reason I feel a deep peace and calm about the whole surgery process, even though this is my first surgery other than my wisdom teeth coming out when I was 23.

Here's what one friend wrote to tell me before my surgery:

Carol, you seem to help and support me more than I can possibly hope to help you!
I have had a rainbow appear to me at a point in my life when I needed it, too. God is always there! He gives us the strength we need each day, and you will be powerful on Friday!

What wonderful words of encouragement!

God's Promises

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. — I Peter 5:7

 After a beautiful walk around the bay today, we came home to a brief rain shower and this awesome rainbow surrounding our neighborhood and reminding us of God's promises:

But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,’ declares the Lord — Jeremiah 30:17

How priceless is your unfailing love, O God! — Psalm 36:7

I will never leave you nor forsake you. — Joshua 1:5

Lord, the God of Israel, there is no God like you in heaven above or on earth below—you who keep your covenant of love with your servants who continue wholeheartedly in your way. — I Kings 8:23

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. — Micah 6:8

You Are Loved

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."

Blessed be the name of the Lord!

I had an ultrasound biopsy three weeks ago as a follow up to my last mammogram, and they discovered some calcification and a very small mass that was not there a year ago.

The ultrasound biopsy was a very simple and fast procedure, but it showed that the small mass is cancerous. My husband and I met with the surgeon a week ago Tuesday. He encouraged us to keep our positive attitude. We feel covered by the prayers of family and friends and surrounded by God's loving arms wrapping around us and holding us up when the way seems hard.

A friend wrote to tell us, "Many people have experienced this and have come through it very successfully. A dear long-term friend in Denver had a mastectomy and the follow-up treatments and is doing very well (at age 81)."

What an encouragement that has been to hear the stories of so many cancer survivors!

The caregivers at Kaiser have been wonderful. They are moving very quickly, which we are thankful for. The cancer is invasive ductal (in the ducts), between the size of a pea and a garbanzo bean.

I am a scheduled for a lumpectomy followed by radiation about 6-8 weeks later. After the surgery they will be able to tell us what stage it is and if further treatment is necessary.

We pray that our family can all be witnesses to the love of Jesus with all those we come in contact with. We give God the honor and glory — blessed be the name of the Lord.

Life's a Roller Coaster

"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." — Ephesians 4:2

Take a walk on the beach

When you're diagnosed with the big C, your world becomes a blur of conflicting emotions. 

Here's how one friend described it:

"Though the medical science has advanced in the almost 10 yr since my cancer treatments, the roller coaster of emotions are the same."

Tears can come at the most unexpected times, even when you don't feel especially sad. So taking time to appreciate the beauty in the sunrise or watching the waves lapping onto the shore can help keep our feet on solid ground.

Finding something especially enjoyable or taking time for oneself can help, too. For me, this was a good time to get a pedicure, have a favorite chocolate, walk on the beach with my daughter, chat with my husband, and sip an espresso with a friend.

Living Under the Rainbow

"We ought always to thank God for you, brothers and sisters, and rightly so, because your faith is growing more and more, and the love all of you have for one another is increasing."

— 2 Thessalonians 1:3

Remember, you live under the rainbow!

Receiving a diagnosis of cancer can be a shock to the system. 

But the encouragement of family and friends can go a long way toward shoring up a wall of support around us. Giving us the strength to make it through the rough days.

We had rain last week, and a friend took this photo the next day. 

He sent it in an email with the caption, "You live under the rainbow!" What a wonderful way to start the day.